Monday, January 9, 2012

1/30/12: Who is that in the Mirror?

As I was on the treadmill at the gym today I looked at myself in the mirror and thought who is that?  I was looking at a shadow of my former self in dis-belief.  Was I really the same woman that used to run a 5K in 26 minutes, and who taught Step Aerobics on the day I went in to labor with my son?  Am I really the same person that used to workout 2 hours a day, and had great abs because I taught the class.  I kept looking as I ran and thought who is that?  I don't even know who that woman is that I am looking at.
I am very much a numbers person and unfortunately the number I see on the scale weighs on my mind all day long.   I know one issue I have is that I step on the scale every time I am in the bathroom.  When my kids were being potty trained I think they thought getting on the scale was part of going to the potty because they had seen me do it all the time.  Little fluctuations in that magic number would make or break my day. 
I know my weight is an issue when it stops me from doing things I would do otherwise.  It makes me delay so many things in my life including buying new clothes and dressing nicely like I used to. It makes me dread trips to the beach, dread shopping so much that I never shop for clothes for myself, and dread looking at myself in the mirror.  I think in my head, what does it matter if I get my hair done, I won't look good any ways.  I never had issues with weight until after college.  I then made a change and lost 40 pounds.  I did pretty good after my son was born as I continued to workout and teach Aerobics, but slacked more after my daughter being so busy with a 2 year old and an infant.  Since then my weight has had it's ups and downs. 
I have a really hard time looking beyond the scale.  But every day I am at the gym working hard I know I won't feel like this forever.  Now if I can just continue to focus on the positive and stop looking at the scale I will be ok.
Would love some comments from others.  I am sure many of you can relate, either it is your weight, the shape you are in, how you look, etc.


Anonymous said...

At a certain time in life, one discovers that the number is meaningless. At a certain time in life, one becomes smart and simply wants to live a healthy happy life. The number can stay the same, but the shape doesn't. The number might be the same, but the health factor isn't the same. It should be about health and not a number.

Anonymous said...

This post really hit home today (my birthday); so I have to comment. :) I agree that after having children and looking in the mirror, I only sometimes see glimpses of myself. While I was never in as great of shape as you have been, I was quite satisfied with my college self. Now I look at the scale in surprise (granted I'm pregnant and about to deliver at any time, but honestly the large majority of that extra weight is pre-pregnancy). I find myself frustrated with my health. I'm in shock over my age (I seem to have stopped counting when I had my first child). I don't even know how to measure my productivity and progress (I'm a SAHM). I think all of us wonder where our former selves went... I just try to put one foot in front of the other, and try not to get overwhelmed. That doesn't mean I always succeed at it... I just get up and try again the next day. :) Besides with Spring coming, I feel more optimistic and hope you will too. Heather

Alison said...

I've learned to focus on small achievements - it keeps me from getting overwhelmed by the (rather large) long-term goal I've set for myself. So, my clothes fitting a little looser, or reaching that 5 lb. milestone, or not huffing and puffing at the top of the stairs all count and are just as important. I may never be a size 4 again, but if I'm healty and happy, it won't matter! Keep up the good work, Gilda. It's tough but it can be step at a time.